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Philip Hunt

SEATTLE, 1 April 2002 (Reuters) - Microsoft has bought the intellectual property rights to the Human Genome Project, it was announced yesterday. This means that any reproduction of the human genome, including that through sex, will potentially violate Microsoft's copyright and patents.

"We now own the human genome" said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. Microsoft's chairman, Bill Gates, added: "This will allow us to innovate a range of new products. For the first time, our customers will be able to buy a licence from us enabling them to have sexual intercourse. Truly we are the world leaders in innovation!"

Analysts familiar with Microsoft told Reuters: "It appears they intend to launch two new products, MS Reproduction 2002, which is a licence to have babies, and MS Sex 2002, which covers recreational sex. Each product is likely to be a licence for one year, guaranteeing Microsoft a continuous revenue stream of new licences."


It was further claimed that Microsoft have hired an army of lawyers ready to obtain injunctions to seize any babies produced in violation of Microsoft's licence, an unnamed source said, and added "they intend to bring the babies up in an orphanage attached to their headquarters in Seattle, where they will be brainwashed into worshipping Bill and will toil as Microserfs".

A Microsoft spokesman appeared to confirm this when he stated "Microsoft will pursue anyone who steals our intellectual property to the maximum extent allowed by law. These thieves must be shown they cannot get away with it".

Lawyers for Microsoft refused to comment when asked whether masturbation would be viewed as an infringement of Microsoft's intellectual property rights.

Image taken from www.subvertise.org

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